1 Timothy Chapter 6

“Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness.” I Timothy 6:11b (ESV)

Prayer for Our Children

Bless my child with a good work ethic, serving others with respect and faithfulness. Protect my little one from false teachings while helping her to avoid conceit, foolishness, and controversies that result in envy, strife, maliciousness, evil suspicions, and friction. ... 

Teach her Godliness with contentment so that she does not covet money or is lured away by riches. Help her flee the temptations, traps, and harmful desires that the love of money fosters and pursue instead righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness. 
     
Keep her from arrogance and may her hope rest not in wealth but in God who is the giver of all good things. Give her a generous heart that overflows with goodness and acts of kindness. Help her to faithfully guard what You have entrusted to her and turn away from false knowledge and godless chatter. Strengthen her, oh God, to fight the good fight of faith and take hold of the eternal life for which You have called her to live out.

Some days I can almost forget that I am vision impaired. Like when I’m exercising with legs spinning fast on the cycle, sweat dripping profusely, and laughing at the welcome distraction of side conversations. Or when imagination and creativity seamlessly merge and fuel fingers flying across the keyboard or when I sing silly songs with my little girl as we dance around the kitchen in happy abandon. When joy floods my heart and laughter fills my spirit, my eyes open wide and witness the immeasurable, gift captured where time stands still, and God is present.   
     
Yet, today, when the raw rain beats down upon my back as the wind chaps my face and insecurities leave me vulnerable and uncertain, I become fully aware of the invisible boundaries pressed upon me by my unseeing eyes. Yes, some of these restrictions are self-imposed by my own misperceptions of how the world views me and the naked vulnerability I feel when the full limitations of my blindness is exposed and on display for the entire world to see. Some limitations are real, acting like concrete barriers barring me from scaling the highest of mountain peaks and reaching for the brilliant sun. But, other times, my disadvantages create situations of neither black nor white but simply the gray of middle ground where perceived limitations and actual physical expectations cautiously meet. And in these middle grounds of gray is where I sink into the sandy mire, reminded by the wavering maybe’s, "if"s, and "almost"s, that I do not see or interact with the world as most other people do. I am left wondering if the eyes that see me and the minds that perceive me look beyond what is and is not and to the person within or do they judge by outward appearance? Will they be blessed with a discerning eye that sees beyond and digs deep for buried treasure? Or will pity, masquerading as kindness or compassion be the visitor knocking at my door?

 Tomorrow, I volunteered to assist in Sweet one’s classroom, responding to an email that tugged at my heart strings, requesting assistance for a special day in my little girl’s classroom. In those moments of mother pride and eagerness or perhaps in my case, forgetfulness of my own hindrances, I gladly stepped out to volunteer my time along with many other moms. 
     
But, these past 48 hours prior to the event, I find myself shaking in my boots, rubbed raw, and anxious about whether I will be a hindrance, burden, or help in the classroom. Your help will be as useless as a preschooler’s trying to perform professional work, whispers a taunting voice, smashing any shreds of sell-confidence, what do you think you’re doing? You’ll need as much help as the preschoolers! These thoughts echo in the back recesses of my mind and pulls me down deep where the light does not shine, and the beauty loses its luster. 
     
I’m scared, anxious, wondering if I will be embarrassed or embarrass my sweet girl. How will the other preschooler’s respond? Will they understand that I cannot see them or what they are doing? Will I need assistance myself, and what will the person doing the assisting think of me? All these thoughts create a vacuum less whirlwind that gains strength, veracity and power. To offer help in the very area of vulnerability and weakness is a noble and selfless act, but it does not stop the hemorrhaging and serves only as a tiny band aide. 
     
In these hollow and empty spaces where I am scraped bleeding and raw, I lay gasping for relief prostate on my belly, unable to put feelings, or emotions to words. Like tonight, I collapsed onto the head of my bed and flopped over the pillows. Times like today where feelings pervade and war for expression yet simmer voiceless beneath the surface of my skin. Empty, weary, beaten down by the day but still refusing to be claimed hostage, I whisper a prayer to my heavenly Lord into the bed covers as my arms cradle close my head. 
   
Days like today, I need to remind myself that I am beautiful, that I am exactly how God created me to be. That God carefully sculpted every molecule, gene, tissue, muscle, fiber, and organ of my body. That I am a masterpiece of God’s artistry and that I am complete, unlacking, and fully and beautifully me. 

Do I make decisions rooted from insecurities rather then in the fullness of Christ? Yes, unfortunately, I do, for I am clothed in imperfection and in flaws that will not see perfection this side of glory.
     
​Does it take courage and strength to live life where your greatest weakness and imperfection is on display for the world to see? Would it be prideful to answer, ‘yes’? Most days, when the sun is bright, and the world is right, I would answer this question with a resounding, ‘no, because I consider myself just like everyone else. That every person has a burden to bare, whether it is physical, emotional, mental, financial, or situational – we all carry heavy loads that shape and refine us in the very act of breathing. It is simply how we choose to interact and respond with the dead weight dragging around our necks. But, on days like today, when I am weary, when my resilience stretches taunt like a tightrope, and when I am reminded of my inabilities and lack of independence, I am tempted to cower and flee.
     
​But, today, this night and in this moment as I write, I choose to revel in the courage and strength it takes to flaunt my limitations and disadvantages to every person I meet, every situation, each new environment and unchartered territory. I choose to recognize that I am brave and courageous in spite of my sub-par vision but rather because of my blindness. Does it take courage to walk into the literal and figurative unknown without even a map to guide? You betcha! And I choose right now in the act of writing to claim that courage and proudly wear it as a banner over my person tomorrow when I enter Sweet one’s classroom. For clothed in the washed clean, pure garments of Christ, who and what do I need fear? Am I not a child of God? Are you not a child of God? And are we not beautiful in His sight? Wholly beloved and cherished, treasured for the highest ransom? Child of the Most High King and heir of salvation. We are beautiful, we are like precious gems refined to greater brilliance in the fire of life and radiating a peaceful confidence in the knowledge of whose we are and to whom we belong. I am beautiful – you are beautiful, just as you are – flawed, insecure, imperfect, weak, and vulnerable. For, even with our earthly imperfections, we are made in the image of Christ, cleansed clean and made whole again through His blood on the cross and the ransom He paid. You are beautiful and loved by a love so great and deep that it stretched from before the beginning of time to beyond the end to eternity and forever. Fellow parents, you are beautiful, you are strong, and you are brave. Be empowered by the Holy Spirit this day to live your life in the strength, power, hope, and beauty of the Lord Jesus Christ. ​

A Parent's Prayer

Oh Lord, build me up and encourage me this day. Let the persecuting winds abate and usher in Your sweet, abiding presence. Indwell in me and fill all my empty places. Drown out the voices that tear down and pillage, and fill my mind with whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, lovely and admirable. Set my mind upon these things today.